


Wildest Dreams

by RMarie124



Series: Ancient Legends [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s02e25 Resolutions, F/M, I let them be happy for a few moments though, Song fic, Yes its a resolutions fic lol, a little bit of smut but nothing crazy, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:54:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RMarie124/pseuds/RMarie124
Summary: "Her resolve runs thin with him these days, they’re constantly by each other’s side, and perhaps most dangerously, there is no rank to hide behind. Each time he says her name, it chips away at her will to hold herself back from him."
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Ancient Legends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747072
Comments: 32
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I've had writer's block for what feels like forever (and the current situation is not helping). But I was listening to Wildest Dreams the other day and this fic idea hit me like a ton of bricks. The progression of this fic is vaguely based on the verses of Wildest Dreams. It's not necessary to listen to the song when you read it, but you can. 
> 
> Enjoy!

She’s working on her research when he comes back to the shelter, a coy smile on his face. She knows that look all too well, seeing as it persuaded her to have dinner with him aboard _Voyager_ , the first dinner of many. Now that they’re stranded on this damn planet, she doesn’t know what he could possibly have in mind. Her resolve runs thin with him these days, they’re constantly by each other’s side, and perhaps most dangerously, there is no rank to hide behind. Each time he says her name, it chips away at her will to hold herself back from him. 

She indulges his mischievous mood anyway, looking up at him. “What’s that look for, Chakotay?” Her tone is teasing.

“I’ve just had a wonderful idea, that’s all.” He’s beginning to put together dinner, and she sees that he’s brought in a basket. 

“Oh?” Kathryn raises her eyebrows. “And are you going to share that idea with me?”

He continues preparing the food, cutting up a strange fruit that Kathryn hasn’t seen yet. “We’re going on a picnic tonight.”

“We are?” 

“Yes.” He turns around and throws her a lopsided grin, and her heart flutters. “I found the perfect spot by the side of the river, and you need a break from all your research. So, we’re having a picnic tonight.”

Kathryn pretends to think about it for a moment, even though she knew that her answer from the beginning would be nothing other than _yes;_ as if she would ever consider saying no to him. That damned smile gets her every time, and she’s almost afraid of what he could get her to do.

_Almost_.

She smiles and puts her tools down.

“Alright. Let me go get ready.” 

Their gazes linger for a moment longer than is probably wise, and Kathryn feels her cheeks heating up under his gaze. She walks behind the partition that separates their sleeping area from the main area and looks at her options. Kathryn is feeling bold tonight, spurred on by Chakotay’s teasing, and she chooses the blue dress that she knows he likes best. She is rewarded with a heated look from him, which she returns. There’s no point in pretending she doesn’t want him. 

Chakotay _had_ found the perfect spot, perhaps not surprisingly. They had a clear view of an open field across the lake, and thus a perfect view of the sky to watch the sunset. The food is wonderful, the view is wonderful, and the sunset is spectacular as well. Kathryn feels her heart swell, feeling a sense of peace that she hadn’t known for over a year settle over her. In that moment, she wishes that they could stay there forever. 

And that’s when the guilt comes crashing down. Chakotay notices, of course he does, and he reaches out to take her hand. He knows better than to say anything right away, and for that Kathryn is eternally grateful. She berates herself internally for wishing that she could have this forever. She needs to be looking for a cure, and she knows deep down that there is every chance that her crew will disobey her orders and try and come back for them. She can feel the end, even though nothing has even started between them. 

“Chakotay if something happens,” She looks him in the eye, “If _Voyager_ comes back, if something happens to either of us on this planet. Please promise me that you’ll remember this moment. That you’ll remember all the best moments of our time here.” She can feel tears forming and she blinks them away. “I know it sounds silly, like I’m paranoid, but _please_. I need to know that you’ll cherish this forever, just like I will.”

His hand comes up to rest on her cheek and he smiles radiantly at her, tears shining in his eyes as well. “Of course I will, Kathryn.”

She leans into his hand and closes her eyes. “Kiss me.” She breathes out.

“Are you sure?” He asks. Kathryn opens her eyes to see that he’s gotten closer to her.

“Yes.” She covers his hand with hers. “I’m sick of pretending like I don’t want to anymore.”

Kathryn sees him smile briefly before closing the distance between them. Almost immediately she wants more, and she pulls him down on top of her. Their lips move together gently, and Kathryn lets herself get lost in the sensations he is drawing out of her. 

It is everything she had hoped it would be from the first moment she met him. 

——————

Kathryn’s back hits the wall of their shelter and she moves to help Chakotay with her dress. His shirt is somewhere outside, and his pants are halfway undone and they both want her dress _off_ that instant because they are both desperate. She doesn’t know why they are like this, but when he kissed her outside the shelter, a switch flipped in both of them. It’s like they know that any time could be their last, and they are frantic to get as much of each other as they can.

Chakotay tosses her dress somewhere to the side, and pushes her underwear down. She steps out of it and wraps one of her legs around his waist, pulling him closer. Kathryn reaches between them to push Chakotay’s pants the rest of the way down and she grinds her hips into his, causing them both to moan loudly. He pushes into her and they still for a moment, foreheads pressed together, breathing heavy. 

Nothing has ever felt this intimate to Kathryn before. All the nerves in her body feel like they’re on fire in the best way, and she knows this will not last long for either of them. He closes the short distance between them and kisses her hungrily, one of his hands coming up to tangle in her hair. He tugs gently and she acquiesces to his silent command, tilting her head to the side to give him better access to her neck. She whimpers as he bites down, and moves her hands to grip his shoulders.

A voice in the back of her mind tells her that this cannot go in either of their logs, she does not want anyone to know about this. This is their experience to share, no one else’s. Kathryn suddenly feels possessive of this _thing_ between them. 

She pulls his face up to hers. “This doesn’t go in any of our logs.” She gasps out. “I don’t want anyone else to know about this. It’s nobody else’s business.”

Chakotay nods and grips her hips tightly. “I haven’t said anything.” 

“Good.” She pulls him in for a searing kiss. 

They continue to move together at a frantic pace, both chasing their climaxes. Kathryn reaches between them to draw circles on her clit, and her muscles flutter, signaling that she’s close. It only takes a few more moments, and she comes hard, Chakotay’s name flying from her lips. He follows shortly after, his face buried in her neck. 

It takes them both a few moments to recover, to untangle themselves and stand up straight. Kathryn is still leaning against the wall of the shelter when suddenly she laughs. 

“What’s so funny?” Chakotay asks, joining her in laughing.

“Two years ago I never thought that a situation like this would ever occur.” She shakes her head. “But I have to say that I don’t think I’d want to trade it for anything now.” Kathryn pulls Chakotay flush against her and wraps her arms around his neck. “I’m having a wonderful time here with you.”

His hands run up and down her sides, making her shiver. “I’m having a wonderful time here with you, too.” He brushes a thumb over her nipple and she gasps. “How about we have a bath and then I’ll cook dinner?” His voice is low, and it goes right to her core.

“I love the sound of that.” She grins. 

—————

Kathryn hates how silent it is. She hates how she wants to cry, wants to throw her commbadge against the wall of the shelter, how a small part of her wishes they hadn’t come back. She looks at Chakotay and she sees the same emotions flickering across his eyes.

“That’s wonderful news, Tuvok. We’ll be ready when you arrive.” Kathryn hopes she’s succeeded in sounding equal parts shocked and happy, and not letting the hint of disappointment shine through. 

Tuvok terminates the link and Kathryn places her commbadge on the table. Tears threaten at the corners of her eyes, and she takes a deep breath. In truth, she is not surprised that they came back. She knows her crew, perhaps all too well, and the moment she has secretly known was coming is here. 

And she hates it. 

“Kathryn.” He says quietly. 

“We have to clean up.” She tries to put a brave face on, tries to put on her Captain’s mask. “We have to start cleaning up and getting ready to beam up. I can start recycling the small things and you can pack up our clothes and then we can—”

“ _Kathryn_.” His tone is firm, but gentle nonetheless. “We have time. Let’s sit for a moment.”

She reluctantly sits down and he sits across from her. They sit in silence for a few minutes before Kathryn speaks again. 

“I don’t want to lose this.” Kathryn whispers. “I don’t want to lose what we have here.”

“I don’t either.” He sighs. “These have been the best months of my life in recent memory. The most calm, the most peaceful. I don’t want to let this go, but that’s the burden of command that we have to bear.”

“It’s going to be difficult to go back to being a command team, especially with everything that’s happened between us.” She shakes her head and reaches for his hand. “Please know that putting this aspect of our relationship away for now is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.” 

He weaves their fingers together. “It will be for me too. But Kathryn, it’s not something you have to shoulder alone. We can work through this together, stumble through the liminal period and come out the other side. And then, when we get home, we can continue where we left off here.” 

Kathryn nods quietly. She stands up and moves to where Chakotay is sitting. She straddles his lap and kisses him gently.

“One last time.” She whispers as his arms circle her waist. “One last time.”

One last time turns into three last times and now, Kathryn is awake and watching Chakotay sleep. She tries to memorize his features, memorize how peaceful he looks when he’s asleep. Kathryn lays her head on Chakotay’s chest and allows the steady rhythm of his breathing lull her into sleep.

A few hours later, they are cleaning up the shelter, an air of finality permeating the air. Kathryn is fighting back all of the emotions she is feeling, trying to put her Captain’s mask back together piece by piece. As she’s cleaning, Kathryn can’t help but recall all the things that happened in the small shelter that has come to feel so much like a home.

At the kitchen, she can see echos of herself and Chakotay in a night not long ago, where he told her a thinly veiled allegory for his feelings towards her, ones that she reciprocated but was not ready to admit. She blushes when she cleans the kitchen counter, remembering a night where she was _trying_ to cook, but Chakotay had turned her around, kissed her soundly, then dropped to his knees and pushed her dress up around her hips. 

It feels like an endless stream of memories as she cleans up. She sees each moment play out before her, and she wishes desperately that she didn’t have to leave them behind. Kathryn knows she will keep them tucked away, but she also knows that she cannot allow them to touch her. She cannot indulge herself in these moments, not unless she is safely in her quarters with measures in place stopping her from going to him. 

Eventually she is back in her uniform, staring at her Talaxian tomatoes that are finally grown. She feels an ache in her chest, and she forces herself not to cry. Chakotay lays a hand gently on her shoulder and she turns to face him. 

He takes her hands gently in his. “When we get back to Earth, we’ll get a cabin somewhere and we can pick up right where we left off here. I promise. Deal?” 

“Deal.” She smiles softly. 

He smiles back, and then lets her hands go, slipping back into his role of Commander. “Ready?” He asks.

Her Captain's mask goes into place and she nods, even though she knows full well that she is not ready. “Janeway to _Voyager_. Two to beam up.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not expecting to write a second chapter to this story, but then a sequel was suggested, and *then* I had an idea for it that wouldn't let me go. I was surprised with how quickly this second chapter happened. It literally happened in like... a day lol so all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Enjoy xx

There is a roaring in her ears that she thinks is her heartbeat, but she cannot be sure. Maybe it’s adrenaline. Maybe it’s both. Kathryn is still trying to gain her footing, still trying to gain her bearings after _Voyager_ flew through the trans-warp hub. 

She cannot believe it. It’s _Earth_. 

She barely processes her conversation with Admiral Paris, and she doesn’t recognize the sound of her own voice. Kathryn feels like she is mere moments from separating from herself, like if she moves or speaks wrong she will be watching herself from above. 

Seven long years are over, and they’re over in the blink of an eye. 

The realization slams into her and she suddenly can’t breathe. She makes sure everything is in order on the Bridge, with Chakotay at the helm (she teased him briefly about crashing, but they were both too in shock to really laugh), and Harry maintaining communications with Starfleet before she retreats to her Ready Room.

The doors are barely shut before she collapses to her knees on the floor and cries. Kathryn cannot stop the tears, nor does she want to. Sobs wrack her body, and she is grateful for the soundproofing in the walls, because she’s sure she screams. All of the feelings she has been holding in for the last seven years are ripping their way through her body, causing all the muscles in her body to tense up as they run their course. 

Eventually, the tears subside, and she stands up on shaky legs. Her body hurts, and nothing sounds better than a cup of coffee. Kathryn feels devoid of emotions, as if the purge of bottled up feelings took away everything she could possibly feel. The coffee materializes before her, and she picks it up. She walks slowly to the couch and sits down, practically melting into it. The first sip of coffee is heaven to her, and she feels instantly better.

Kathryn can’t wait to drink the real thing. 

After her coffee is finished, Kathryn sits looking out her window at Earth. She is still marveling at the fact that they’re home. There is a part of her that wishes that they were still out there, exploring the Delta Quadrant and having their monthly crew get-together’s at Sandrine’s. Despite that desire, she knows that she and most of her crew are overwhelmingly glad to be home.

Kathryn is concerned about the former Maquis crew. It is hard for her to think of them that way, since so early on she just came to think of everyone as her crew, Starfleet or Maquis be damned. She has decided that she will fight tooth and nail to have them released from any charges that still remain against them. They have all served her well, and they have all gone above and beyond over the years. 

The door to her Ready Room chimes and she snaps out of her reverie. Kathryn knows she probably looks like a mess, but everyone on the ship has seen everyone else at their worst. She calls for the doors to open and Chakotay comes in. 

Kathryn’s heart seems to leap into her throat. She sets her coffee cup down, and she stands up. Chakotay walks up the small set of steps to stand in front of her. Time slows down, and in that moment she knows that they both know. All the waiting, all the slip ups with regretful good-bye’s in the morning, all the frantic and angry kisses in her Ready Room, all of it was over. 

“We made it, Chakotay.” She breathes out. 

“We made it, Kathryn.” He echos. 

It is the sound of her name that breaks her, and she closes the remaining distance between them and pulls him down for a heated kiss. His hands immediately come to her waist and pull her even closer so she is flush against him. It is beautiful, it is everything she needed. 

It is home. 

——————

“Chakotay, I think this one is it.” Kathryn calls from the backyard of a cabin they are looking at. “The view is gorgeous, and there’s a perfect space for a bathtub.” 

He comes to join her outside, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “I think you’re right, Kathryn. And, the kitchen is perfect.” 

She turns around and pulls him in for a kiss. “I can’t wait to start making this place a home.”

Two weeks later, they are moved in, and settling into a routine. Chakotay is teaching at Starfleet Academy, and Kathryn is getting used to life behind a desk. They take long walks along San Francisco bay, and enjoy home cooked meals and fresh coffee. Kathryn watches Chakotay whenever he works in the backyard, building her a bathtub. It is close to being done, and she cannot wait to take full advantage of it, perhaps with a glass of wine and Chakotay to accompany her. 

They have so many years to make up for. Kathryn has decided to not count their slip ups, because they were fraught with negative emotions and spurred on by bad situations. She wants new memories, good ones to compliment the ones she has kept locked away for five years. 

A few days later, the bathtub is done. It is even better than the one he built her on New Earth (although that one will always hold a special place in her heart), and it has a privacy curtain just in case. When they were the only two people on the planet, it did not matter. Now, it does. 

Kathryn uses it that same night for the first time. She walks downstairs in her robe, pours two glasses of wine in the kitchen, and then walks to the living room where Chakotay is sitting and grading papers. He looks up at her and grins.

“Going to test the bathtub?” He sees the wine and arches an eyebrow. “With _two_ glasses of wine?”

“Actually, I was hoping you would join me.” She takes a sip of wine. “The glass of wine was merely a bribe.”

Chakotay laughs and sets the PADD he was reading down. “Kathryn, you don’t need to bribe me with wine to come outside and take a bath with you. The idea alone is tempting enough. Although, the wine is a nice touch.”

“Come on, then!” She calls over her shoulder, already on the way outside to their backyard. 

He catches up with her and takes the wine glass she offers him. Her free hand reaches for the tie on her robe, but Chakotay stops her. 

“Let me.” He places his wine glass on the ledge of the bath, and takes hers as well. 

He undoes the tie on her robe and pushes it slowly off her shoulders. It pools at her feet, and she grins at the expression on his face. He looks enraptured, and Kathryn knows she will never tire of the way he looks at her. She feels beautiful, and desirable. It’s more intoxicating than the wine they are drinking. She turns and bends forward to turn the water on and laughs at the groan he lets out. 

Kathryn stands up and turns around. “I think you should close the privacy screen.”

Chakotay pulls the screen closed, and then she moves to remove his clothing. She leans up to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him closer. He pulls her close, his hands at her waist. 

“We should probably get in before we get too distracted,” Kathryn whispers against Chakotay’s lips. 

She turns the water off and they both step in. Chakotay sits down and holds his hand out to her, and she settles down between his legs, her back against his chest. He places a kiss to the top of her head and she turns around to capture his lips for a light kiss. 

“This is perfect.” She says quietly. 

Chakotay grabs hold of one of Kathryn’s hands and threads their fingers together. “It’s everything I could’ve hoped for and more.”

They sit and look up at the stars, talking quietly about the times aboard _Voyager_ , from the good to the bad, the funny to the serious. They talk about their time at the Academy, and they sit silently. Kathryn feels a warmth in her belly, a contentedness that she has not known for years. 

Once their bath is finished, they walk quietly inside, hand in hand. When they reach their bedroom, Kathryn pulls Chakotay down on top of her and kisses him deeply. Soon they are lost in each other, and sparks are dancing across Kathryn’s skin wherever Chakotay touches her. They are in no hurry, and Kathryn feels the pleasure building slowly inside her. When it crests, she feels it spread through her body, consuming her entirely. 

As Kathryn drifts to sleep wrapped in Chakotay’s embrace, she thinks that she does not want to be anywhere else in the world but where she is. She remembers how she thought that she felt as though she was home that day in the Ready Room when she kissed Chakotay in celebration of returning to earth, and realizes that she had been mistaken. 

_This_ is home. 


End file.
